NIU Encyclopedia

Sometimes, in this world of ours, things can get a bit confusing. Sometimes, what you want is a score sheet to keep track of all the various nutjobs and assholes who are trying to kill or arrest you. Is Doctor Gravity the psychic who crushes people to death with his mind? Or is he the guy who’s working on repulsor lift technology at this very fine institution? You don’t know.

That is why I’ve decided we needed this book. Everything you need to know about parahumans, about the various governments, about terrorists is right here. This information may save your life if you forget to pay attention to the news or to class.

I should warn you: the version you get may be different than the one you get in class. Certain information is being kept from you and there is a reason for that. It depends on the topic why it’s being kept from you but at the end of the day you don’t need to know. Trust me on this.

But back to the topic at hand. I first realized there was a need for this when an alum called me to tell me that some of his employees in his mercenary outfit didn’t know the difference between a Lupine and a Regenerator. I told them to tell me who their professor of Parahuman Studies I was so I could fire him. He said that they had not gone to NIU. Some of them could barely read, let alone attend college.

The next day, while thinking up an idea for a Parahuman handbook, another alum called me asking what technical advances our students in our Electronic and Digital Engineering had accomplished. He was calling because someone he was mentoring was showing a surprising aptitude for and love of electronics, but he didn’t know anything about either. Then another call, then another call, then another…

I suddenly realized that our students would always have specialized areas of knowledge. While it would be nice to have you guys master every area, it takes you all four years to get up to our standards in any given program. Even then, we send you guys off, worried that you’ll be unprepared for whatever comes your way.

However, what we can do is provide a very simple guide that can provide you with a general knowledge of certain items and quick ways to learn more if the need should arrive. Maybe it will solve an argument. Maybe it will lead to fame and riches. Maybe it will save your life.

However, it will keep you from needing to call my office in the middle of the night that a freshman in a slightly different program could answer. Seriously, do you know how annoying that crap is?

Sincerely,

Professor Anthony Carter Newell-Howards

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