Nowhere Island University

Nowhere Island University, as you know, is the world’s most innovative research university. However, when the Dean and President Anthony Newell-Howards founded NIU in 1979, he decided it wasn’t enough. In two years, he was able to create the Academy of Military Science, The Arnold Frankenstein School of Medicine, The Turing Computer Research Center (which was the first computer science program,) and The Annette Finishing School. We have been adding new programs ever since.

In a traditional university, the professors are the ones doing the research, unable to teach their students. In our system, the students are the ones doing the research, giving them so much more than a degree. This has led to the development of some of the most advanced tech in the entire world, such as the cold fusion plants that power our school. For the record, we would have invented the internet if not for those frogs.

Part of the reason for becoming a technological powerhouse is our commitment to finding the best students. The best students aren’t always eighteen-year-olds with high IQ scores from first world countries. Sometimes they’re literally someone you found in a ditch in Zimbabwe or a jungle hut in Cambodia. (Those are the two students who almost invented the internet. Thanks, frogs.)

Anyway, we are always looking for students with a unique way of looking at the world. So many children are born with natural talents for things, and so many get it crushed out of them. If you see someone with an unusually well-honed skill, please refer them to us.

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